


When You Try Your Best But You Don't Succeed

by INTPAquarius



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Caring Castiel, Caring Dean, Caring Gabriel, Depressed Sam, Hurt Sam, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Non-Established Relationships, Protective Castiel, Protective Dean, Protective Gabriel, Self-Harm, Self-Loathing, Soulmates (Even though I don't believe in them), Suicidal Sam, Suicidal Thoughts, Young Castiel, Young Dean, Young Gabriel, Young Sam
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-20
Updated: 2017-05-26
Packaged: 2018-07-25 17:27:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 18,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7541527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/INTPAquarius/pseuds/INTPAquarius
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam and Dean Winchester have no faith in faith or soulmates. They shall have to face their doubts in order to overcome the troubles they stumble over in the from of two boys. Gabriel and Castiel. Two brothers living together with their large family out on the countryside. </p><p>*Based on the prompt: What happen on one soulmate's skin happens to the other one's too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Pilot

Sam Winchester had never believed in soulmates, nor did his four year older brother Dean. They both claimed that they needed hard proof before putting their faith in something like that, so when they started getting them – it came a bit as a shocker for them. 

Sam had told Dean to sleep through the night, but he wasn’t lucky enough to get his wish to come true. Dean stayed up all night with him, researching the monster they were hunting. 

Eventually they both lost focus and both drifted off to sleep. Unfortunately for Sam, he didn’t reach the bed. He slept well through the whole night without any nightmares haunting him. Dean, on the other hand, had trouble being asleep. He woke up several times during the night, only to fall back to sleep again. 

When morning came, both of the brothers were stiff and with throbbing heads. They were not yet aware of the small markings on the back of their hands, picturing a flame on Dean and the time and place on Sam. 

“You want the shower first?” Dean asked as he sat up, looking at his brother. Dean smirked as Sam gave him a murdering look, but it soon fell off as he saw the markings on his younger brother’s hand. “Are you going somewhere, Sammy?” Sam looked at him in confusion and Dean hurried to his side. 

“No, this isn’t my handwriting. Wait; do you think…“ Sam’s eyes lit up as he halted himself. Dean felt the now hopeful aura around his brother, but nevertheless, he had to make sure Sam understood why that was impossible. He recomposed himself as he begun.

“Sammy, you know that isn’t the case. You do remember that it was you that pushed the point on having hard proof, right?” Dean sighed as Sam turned around, stomping his way to the tiny bathroom the motel room had. Dean was worried that he had unintentionally been a little too harsh on him, but he managed to shrug it off and continued with their research.

Soon enough his worry sparkled again. Sam was usually quick in the shower, but today he was almost as slow as Dean usually was. Dean rose to his feet and tiptoed over to the thin bathroom door, to see if he could overhear what his brother did in there. 

He heard nothing. Not even the water tap dripping as it usually would. His worry went from a sparkle to a flame in a matter of milliseconds. A cold shiver found its way down his spine as he remembered the last time something like this had happened. It had been six years ago. 

 

It had been a warm and sunny day with a lot of practicing with firearms at Bobby’s. Their dad had insisted on practicing shooting, standing in an open field with no cover from the sun. Sam’s hair moved in the wind, slightly blocking his view, he had had long hair back then as well, even though both Dean and their dad had wanted him to cut it. 

It all went in some kind of slow motion. A moose had come storming out from the woods, far from where they were, and Sam was aiming at a target with his back against the moose. He hadn’t heard the enormous beast, but was soon to be faced with the consequences of that. The moose crashed his enormous, furry head into Sam. Sam didn’t have time to point his gun somewhere else, so when the shot was fired, scared the moose away – but he also got an angry father at his neck. 

“You idiot!” He shouted, throwing his fists in the air, anger boiling inside of him. “You could have shot your brother!” Dean, who hadn’t cared about where the bullet had fired, didn’t take much notice to that fact. Dean saw his eleven year old brother bow down his head and accept his punishment. “You are one stupid ass kid; I don’t see why anyone would ever bother with you!”

“Dad, it wasn’t…” Dean begun his sentence, but he was interrupted by his father growling at him. “Silence.” Neither of the boys recognized their father in that moment. They were used to his hot temper, but never had he growled at Dean. He surly was silenced, but his father never realized that it was in that moment, when he held Sam by the collar and growled at both of them, that he lost their full trust. 

Sam swallowed nervously as the grip on his shirt was tightening. Their father, turning his full attention to his youngest again, raised his hand and smacked him across the face. He let go of his son’s shirt and slowly stepped backwards. It had never been his intention to hit Sam; Mary would have killed him if she was alive. Dean rushed over to his brother, trying to help him. John stepped forward again; all of the anger had been washed away. Dean quickly placed himself between his father and his brother, trying to protect him from further outlets of anger. 

“I’m sorry...” John whispered. Neither of his sons heard him. Sam turned around, red in his face and ran inside. Dean looked at his father, before leaving him out on the field, running after his brother. 

That night was the first night Sam had ever hurt himself, because his father’s words cut deeper than he was ever willing to admit. Anger, sadness and hopelessness were amongst the overwhelming feelings he felt, he was angry at himself and at his dad. It wasn’t his fault you fired the gun, moron, you did. You almost killed your precious brother. The thoughts followed him up the stairs and trough the hallway leading to the bathroom and the two spare bedrooms. He locked himself into the bathroom on the second floor, knowing Dean soon would come after him; so he had to do this quickly before anyone came to stop him. He made the cut and watched as the broken skin slowly parted to let the red fluid come out through the neat cut on his lower forearm. After a while he felt peaceful, calm. Then he heard the soft knocks on the door, he tried to get up and unlock it, but he got dizzy as soon as he stood up. He did manage to utter Dean’s name before he sank towards the chilly, bright blue floor. 

Dean had heard his brother and had kicked the door open. The boy he saw on the floor was pale, cold and messy. Around him were small puddles of blood, a sharp contrast to the bright white light in the room. Dean knew it was his father’s actions that had finally pushed his baby brother over the edge. He had known that Sam wasn’t well, but he thought it was nothing. 

 

Now it was happening again, six years later, but without Dean really knowing what the cause of this breakdown had been. They had talked about the subject of soulmates many times before, so Dean thought that had nothing to do with it. Now he just needed to help the mess on the floor and the mess on the floor being Sam Winchester, he knew it would take a while.


	2. Period of Denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The denial came after the actions. Then came the loathing and last came the evil thought saying that you deserve it. Then, repeat.

Denial. It was always the denial that came after the actions. Then the loathing. Then the actions. Repeat.

It had been hard enough the first time, six years ago, to get Sam out of the downward spiral. It would be even harder now that he had grown, become more convincing in the art of persuasion. Of course, not always to the better, since he used it to convince himself of things that were untrue to other but as true as they got to him. Things such as being useless, annoying and clingy – when in fact he was one of the most useful hunters there was to find, he was calm, accepting and he was quite independent. 

Sam never understood why people thought about him like that, but he did manage to convince himself that it had to be true – because not that many people could be wrong, right? Dean hadn’t known until the day at Bobby’s, at their dad’s birthday, when he overheard one of the hunters speak ill of his little brother. Dean had interfered as soon as he had heard those words, but he stopped himself upon seeing his Sammy crying by the other opening to the kitchen, the one closest to the front door. 

Sam heard those awful words and warm, salty tears found their way down his cheeks. He turned around and ran outside, into the woods. Dean ran after him, making sure he passed through the kitchen and glare at the hunters. Dean had some trouble keeping up with his brother; he was fast, even without training. 

Sam suddenly stopped. He had run to the river they used to play by when they were younger. He stepped out into the cool and dark water, letting it was over his shoeless feet. It looked peaceful, small whirls and leafs playing in the still water. He sat down, hoping it would take him to where its peace came from. It was freezing, but thinking he deserved the pain that followed. 

Dean recognized the path he ran on, it was a long time since, but his memory didn’t fail him. Sam had disappeared around a corner, but Dean soon saw him. He was sitting in the water, head in his hands. Dean moved forward, slowly stepping into the cold water, shivering with its coldness. Dean reached his hand out to put it on Sam’s shoulder. When he didn’t react to his touch, he placed himself in front of his brother. 

“Sammy?” Dean looked into Sam’s eyes that had drifted away to look at the bright and shiny stars that peacefully shone their soft lights upon the earth. “Sammy?” He tried again. This time he shivered as he heard his name and moved his gaze to look at Dean. The only thing Dean could see in the cool starlight was that they were puffy. He assumed he had been crying. “Hey, what’s wrong?” Dean asked gently, not wanting to sound prying or demanding. 

“I’m useless!” Sam cried out. Dean looked at him, trying not to send out the vibe of pitying him. He knew that would only make him angry. Dean hated the power those words had over his brother, so when he opened his mouth, he had to fight the hatred from showing in his carefully chosen words. 

“Sammy, you are far from useless.” The sincerity of his brother’s words made him cry, because it made him sad that his brother was the only one who had the decency to lie to him to make him feel better. But what if he wasn’t lying? But what if he actually thought so, but that was rather impossible, since everyone seemed to hate him or see him as waste of time. 

Dean could practically see the wheels spinning in his brother’s head, trying to see if there was any underlying cause to his statement. “Buddy, we need to get up. The water is freezing.” Dean said, placing both of his hands on Sam’s shoulders, squeezing them quickly before relaxing his hands again. 

When Sam didn’t make a move, Dean crouched down in front of him. Sam’s eyes were full of tears, but he refused to let them fall, instead he angrily wiped them away. Dean pulled his brother in to a warming and reassuring hug, whilst lifting him up. He carried his little brother back to Bobby’s and walked up the stairs. He put him down and hoped Sam would sleep through the rest of the night. 

Morning came and they were woken up by the sound of their father banging on the bedroom door. “Get up boys; you’re going to practice shooting on the field in ten.” With that he left the boys and went downstairs to prepare for the shooting practice. 

 

The same denial Dean had seen the day after the day, he saw now. Sam pretending it never happened and carrying on with their task at hand. Dean didn’t want to bring it up, fearing he would send the boy flying over the edge again. Unfortunately, they had to talk about it. “Hey, Sammy…” Dean started, not entirely sure on how to say it. So he did as he always did, attacking the problem head on. “About what happened yesterday, we need to talk about it.” Sam looked up from the laptop screen and stared with an empty glare at his brother. 

“I don’ want to.” Sam said. The denial, Dean thought. Soon comes the self-loathing and then we’re onto another day of this. 

And he sure was right, already at nightfall he could see that Sam avoided doing anything at all, judging himself way too hard on pointless things, such as he was too slow on finding any new information on the new monster. Dean thought it was rather ridiculous, since Sam had been the only one finding any information whatsoever. 

He made sure to stay awake that night to keep an eye on Sam. He knew there would be another night with bleeding in the bathroom, he felt it. He waited for the moment when Sam rose from the bed and tiptoed into the bathroom with patience. In the meantime he stared at the flowery wallpaper and thought about how nice it would be to actually sleep right now. But he reminded himself, not until Sam makes a move and I stop it.


	3. School?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you try your best, but you don't succeed  
> When you get what you want, but not what you need  
> When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep  
> Stuck in reverse  
> And the tears come streaming down your face  
> When you lose something you can't replace  
> When you love someone, but it goes to waste  
> Could it be worse?

NOTE THAT NOTHING INCEST WILL EVER HAPPEN IN THIS STORY, SIMPLY BROTHERLY AFFECTION

 

He sure did stop it, well aware of the hatred that would come. But he had never doubted the thought of helping Sam when he needed it. Never. So when Dean slowly opened the door to the lit bathroom, he wasn’t surprised to see Sam standing by the yellow-ich bathtub with a sharp razor blade in his hand. Dean quickly ran over, taking the cool blade away from his brother. Putting it in his back pocket, making sure Sam wouldn’t even try to take it back from him.

Sam angrily turned to his brother; he had been ready to make the cut with the comforting blade the exact same moment it was taken from him. He wanted it so badly, needed it. At least, that was what he thought. Suddenly he saw Dean’s sad face expression and he immediately felt a pang of guilt inside of him. He couldn’t handle it, the guilt of all the pain he caused his brother and all of his self-hatred made him feel selfish. He knew, deep within that he should be happy about the things he had, there were people with less. The anger ran off of him and soon he was crying instead. He grabbed hold of Dean’s shirt, pulling him with as he slid down on the floor. He cried as Dean changed his grip to hold Sam in a hugging position.

Dean couldn’t possibly start to understand what kind of emotional rollercoaster Sam was riding, but he sure as hell knew he wasn’t going to leave the kid alone for more time than necessary. He held Sam without questioning him, without looking down at him and most importantly; without judging him.

He managed to get Sam up from the floor and back to bed. Despite there being one bed for each, Dean laid down next to Sam, holding him close and reassuring him that he was loved by his brother. They fell asleep that way, somewhat tangled with each other, yet respecting the limited personal space there was between them.

Something loud woke them up. It had been the door, realizing that made them both relax, but they tensed as soon as they heard the familiar voice of their father. “Wakey wakey, princesses!” He shouted, obviously drunk. He often came back from a hunt like this, smelling of alcohol and smoke. The brothers got up from the bed they had shared and stared at their father, ready to take orders. Last night was momentarily forgotten and neither of the brothers was thinking of bringing the subject up with their father around.

The brothers quickly and silently showered, so that they could do whatever their father wished them to do.

“Have you found anything on the freak running around?” John asked as he saw both of his sons ready and pondered on whether or not he should do the same. He decided not to. “Well?” He asked irritated as neither of the boys had answered his question. “Well, yes, sir. Sam, has found all of what we know.” Dean said, knowing Sam would say nothing to makes sure their dad knew it he that had found all of it.

“Well?” He said again, impatient to get to work. “We think it’s a gelin.” Sam said. But he stopped there, afraid to continue because of the shouting he would receive when their father discovered how little they had actually found. “Go on, then.” John urged his youngest. Feeling that he was being delayed by the slow stream of information, he tried to urge him with his eyes.

Sam swallowed and rubbed his eyes before he said anything. “A gelin is a ghost, but we don’t know whether or not she is one from the Greek folklore or the Turkish one. So we don’t know how to put her to rest.” He swallowed once again, watching his father’s face as he delivered the news. “You keep saying she, why?”

Dean saw the struggle Sam had with answering the question, so he decided to join in. “It’s because, in both folklores, they are women or girls who were killed or took suicide.” Dean didn’t like the fact that his father’s face turned happier and calmer as he looked at his oldest. Sam saw it too, but said nothing, since he deserved it. They continued explaining the situation to him, both doubting he’d remember much in the morning.

It was getting late and both of the boys were quite tired, despite the fact that they had only been up for thirteen hours. “Sam, you’ll sleep on the sofa, I’ll take you bed.” Their father barked at Sam. Sam looked at him, but nodded as he went into the, now razor free, bathroom. Dean had searched it earlier in the day, making sure there were no things in there that Sam could use to harm himself on.

When their dad finally blacked out, Dean gestured for Sam to come and lay down in his bed. Sam carefully shot a look at their father, as to make sure he wasn’t faking his sleeping. He then carefully walked over to Dean’s bed and silently laid himself next to him. Dean sighed silently and threw an arm around his little brother, they slept well that night.

As the morning sun rose once more, they left the bed on their father’s demand. “Get up boys; you’re going back to school.” Sam and Dean shared a look with one another before getting ready. “Dean you are going to the college right next to Sam’s school and you’ll drop him off and pick him up as well.” Dean simply stared at his father; he knew he hadn’t been to any school since he was sixteen. “Of course.” He answered and threw a glance at Sam, he looked terrified but he felt as he was obliged at nodding and being grateful.

Sam and Dean sat in the Impala, listening to the music that poured from the speakers. Neither of them said a word, both looking out through the windows, hoping the day would go fast and without any complications.

But oh so wrong they had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thank you for reading, leaving kudos and commenting! 
> 
> Just a quick question: do you guys feel any kind of connection to any of the characters?


	4. By The Glass Shards

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even more angst. I'm never short in that stack. I realized as I wrote this, that it isn't good for me. Now screw that, I'll write it anyways! 
> 
> Enjoy!

Sam could already feel the panic rise and he had yet to step out of the car. He simply stared at the building and its large grass spots with agony. When he didn't move, Dean asked him whether or not he wanted him to come with in. At his suggestion Sam quickly shook his head, he knew he was going to be seen as the freak and he didn't want yet another rumor to follow him around. So to ensure his brother he was going to be fine, he stepped out of the car with a somewhat confident aura. Dean knew he was pretending, but as his favorite sayings was: Fake it till you make it. Dean himself left to go and figure out how to pass the upcoming time in school. 

Sam walked towards the building, it was majestic looking and had a combination of wood and stone which looked beautiful – almost like a castle. It was two stories tall and the large windows offered sight over the school’s property, but one could easily see through them and inside. Flowers of all kinds grew everywhere, yet it all seemed perfectly organized. He carefully avoided them as he crossed the grass, heading towards the entrance. The door was quite large; they could practically get an elephant inside without any trouble. 

Naturally people stared at him as he entered. He was the new guy, the quite tall new guy. Immediately people started whispering, probably spreading lies and rumors. Rumors about him taking drugs to achieve his tall and muscular frame, lies about how they had had a friend who knew about him and said that he was a hopeless case – a freak. They were probably spreading rumors about how worthless he was, how pathetic. Sam’s thought’s spun on. They probably knew that he was slicing his wrists open whenever he couldn’t handle the feelings or the thoughts he had. They probably already knew about… “Hello, my name is Castiel. I presume you are the new boy, Samuel, is it?” Sam cautiously nodded and studied the boy in front of him. He was taller than most, yet shorter than himself. He had a not so muscular body, extremely blue eyes and dark brown hair. His eyes were somewhat uncomfortable looking into, so Sam lowered his gaze to the white and dark blue floor. This Castiel guy didn’t seem particularly comfortable in the whole social situation, so Sam decided to get some help from the only guy who didn’t seem to be judging him at the time. “Hey, can you show me where I can get my schedule?” Castiel shot him a thankful look and waved his hand in a motion for Sam to tag along. 

Castiel didn’t try to make any attempts at small talk, knowing it would only end in a disaster. But Sam seemed not to mind. He appreciated that. As they were closing in on the information office, he noticed Sam was slacking behind. He stopped, waiting for Sam to catch up with him. He seemed alright, but so did everyone in the beginning, until they found out he was gay. Of course he didn’t need to tell Sam now, did he? No he was going to keep his secret to himself for a while, at least until he got to know the quiet, tall boy. 

“We are here.” Castiel announced. Sam mumbled a quiet thank you, but he wasn’t sure if Castiel had heard him. However, when he glanced up at him he could see him smiling at him. He wasn’t sure why Castiel was so kind to him, was so that he could be one of the bullies? One of those who would beat him up because of his uselessness? He hoped not, he hoped that Castiel would stay nice to him. Castiel gave him a little nudge in the direction of the office. “I can wait for you if you’d like.” Castiel offered. Sam’s head shot up and he smiled at him. “Would you really do that for me?” Sam’s voice was a bit unsteady, unaccustomed to any form of kindness from anyone except his brother. “Of course!” Another smile. Sam nodded and left his helper out in the corridor, again wondering why Castiel was so nice. 

He entered the room and instantly felt welcome. It was warm and cozy, it even had old oil paintings hung up on the crème colored walls. “Hello, are you Samuel Winchester?” His head snapped in the direction of the kind voice and he immediately found her comfortable to be around. She was quite aged, but she had beauty. She was tall and her white hair looked like a crown on her. As he came closer to her he could see the fainted freckles she had along with clear green eyes. Her soft looking face reminded him of a mother he had never had. He then remembered the question and answered as he fidgeted. “Yes I am.” When he didn’t elaborate his answer she simply smiled and handed him his timetable. “I assume you didn’t find your way back here without help from someone, ask if he or she can help you find your classes.” Sam shyly smiled and bowed lightly. He went for the door and quickly rushed to his newfound friend’s side as he got out. 

As soon as Samuel had gone in to the office to collect his schedule, they came. The ones who always beat him up because of the fact that he preferred boys instead of girls. As soon as Gabriel had learned, he made Castiel take some defense classes to be able to defend himself. Yet he didn’t feel as safe as he should feel. These guys were bigger and taller, not to mention the fact that they were seven, and they all had some form of martial arts training. Castiel felt as if he was going to throw up, because he knew what they were going to do. The first blows hit his stomach and then they went upwards. He tried to protect his head, but only succeeded in doing so for a few seconds. He thought the hits were hammering down hard on him, but when he stepped forward, it only took one hit for him to fall into unconsciousness. 

Castiel looked like shit, his face as well as his clothing was bloody. Sam had seen Dean and their dad return home bearing those marks. Someone had beaten him up while he waited for Sam. Now that was on Sam, if he hadn’t said okay to Castiel’s offer to stay, he wouldn’t have laid there now, beaten to pieces. Stop staring, do something you worthless piece of shit! His mind yelled at him. He shook his head and bent down to pick him up. He wasn’t particularly heavy, but because of his unconsciousness he wasn’t easy to carry. He looked for anything that pointed to the nurses’ offices and found arrows showing him the right direction. 

When he got there, Castiel had woken up and he didn’t remember much. Sam told him all he knew to see if it triggered any memory in him as he supported him by holding him on his side. But the only thing that was triggered in Castiel was the feeling of gratitude. He hadn’t had a friend who cared about him enough to take him to the nurses after an up beating. Castiel felt warm inside, not as he felt when he was in love with someone, no. It felt nice having someone taking care of him. “So how come you’re not freaked out by this?” Castiel asked with genuine interest. Sam waited a minute before answering. “My big brother, Dean, and my father sometimes come home with a broken nose or a bruised eye.” Sam didn’t look at him while answering, so Castiel assumed family was a sensitive subject for him. “How old is, your brother?” Castiel asked. Changing subject for both of their sakes, he wasn’t a fan of the subject either. “He’s twenty, soon to be twenty-one.” Castiel smiled as he replied. “I guess he is going to the collage right next to this place. My older brother, Gabriel does too.” He added as he saw Sam nod. 

When they arrived to the wing where the nurses were, they rushed to his side to help him. Sam let Castiel go as soon as he was sure they had him. “I’ll wait here.” He said as Castiel was brought into the room. So he did wait, uncertain of what else to do. Thirty minutes later Sam heard the doors open and Castiel came walking out the doors with a bottle in his hand. 

Sam rose to his feet as soon as he stepped outside. It was nice knowing someone had stayed to wait for him as well as getting him to the nurses’ office. He reached out a hand to thank him and Sam was careful not to shake his hand too hard, knowing that he might be bruised somewhere. As he extended his hand, Castiel noticed seven perfectly straight scars over Sam’s wrist. He didn’t say anything, since he knew it could upset him more than necessary. The nurse who hadn’t left didn’t think that far though. “Did you hurt yourself as well, sweetheart?” The nurse asked as she walked to them. “Uh, no. Yes, I mean no.” Castiel could see the panic that rose in Sam’s eyes. The boy was scared that anyone would find out about it, Castiel presumed. One of his brothers had done the same thing and he had become furious when others found out. Sam then yanked his arm out of the nurse’s hand, with more power than Castiel had thought the boy had. Sam started to run in panic, he had no idea where he was headed, but he found a stair which he used. He then continued running into the out-of-order bathroom. 

He chose a door on random, he didn’t care whether or not someone saw him, he had to hide. He had almost ruined it, on the first day! It was a bathroom he had chosen and he immediately saw that it was abandoned. He was happy about the fact that no one would be able to listen to him when his panic was beginning to get loud. He looked at himself in one of the mirrors on the left side and he hated what he saw. He was too tall, too skinny and muscular at the same time. His eyes were red because of the lack of sleep he had recently had. His anger was an easy go-to emotion when he felt panic and he therefor crashed his fist into the mirror, making it shatter into many and sharp pieces. He picked one up and studied it; it was sharp enough to be able to cut his skin open, and he did. Three times on each arm. Then the thought hit him, what would Dean think? He ran into one of the stalls and sat down, hugging himself tightly. His leg started bouncing and it was something he did when he was nervous and he had done for years. He could feel the blood trickling down his right arm, but ignored it. All he could think about was how disappointed Dean would be when he got to see the fresh scars on his arm. He had promised him not to do anything like that. Maybe he hadn’t said the promise out loud, but it still meant a lot and the guilt was overwhelming. He could suddenly hear the door to the room was opened. Someone was humming on a joyful tune, but abruptly stopped as this someone reached his door.


	5. By The Glass Shards Pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst with more hurt. This time the comfort comes too.

He was humming to Hey Jude when he walked to the abandoned bathroom on the second floor. His lower arms started to itch, but he just shrugged it off, thinking it was the long sleeves. He wasn’t going to smoke today; he was simply leaving the noisy people for a moment. The first thing he noticed as he stepped through the door was the broken mirror. Despite the fact that the bathroom was out of order, nothing ever broke. So that and the fact that one of the stalls doors was closed were rather odd. He walked to the closed door, abruptly stopping his humming as he saw the crimson red drops all over the floor. He felt his heart sink a little when he heard the quiet sob coming from the stall. He carefully opened the door; making sure he did it slow enough for whoever was in there to prepare for someone coming. 

Sam curled himself into a ball when the door started moving. He dropped the shard onto the floor, not realizing how hard he had held it. It made a clinking sound as it hit the hard tile floor. Now his hand bled too and it wasn’t making his situation better. The door was finally fully open, revealing the person who had caught him. He wasn’t particularly tall, but he had beautiful honey colored hair with matching his Champaign colored eyes. He was wearing a dark blue flannel shirt and black jeans. He seemed decent. 

When the door was fully opened, he let his eyes wander over the boy who sat on the toilet lid, trying to make himself seem smaller than he was. Gabriel slowly approached him with his palms turned forwards, to make sure the boy didn’t think he was going to hurt him. He spotted the glass shard on the floor right next to him but didn’t pay attention to it. “Hello.” He said, his voice was calm and soothing. He had after all dealt with this himself. The boy stared at him in panic, terrified. “My name is Gabriel, what’s yours?” He asked, trying to get the boy to think of him instead of the awful thoughts he knew he had to deal with. “Sam.” He whispered in return. It was difficult to hear what the boy said, but he was not going to make him repeat himself. 

Sam was terrified and curious of this Gabriel. Terrified for his own sake, what if he told someone else about it? But curious to know why he wasn’t laughing at him or calling him names. He hated the feeling of helplessness he was feeling and the fact that he was so utterly exposed in the stall. He quickly rose up, but he was dizzy, which didn’t make it any easier for him. 

Gabriel grabbed Sam’s arm as he was falling over. He carefully sat him down again and kneeled by his side to look at his arms. They had been abused for a long time, there were scars up over his elbows and they were thick. He let his eyes wander downwards and saw the new, deep cuts. On his hand were written some locations written, as to not forget about them. They were only faint, but Gabriel couldn’t stop looking at them. He had seen them somewhere else. However, he needed to take care of the cuts. He grabbed some paper towels and pressed them against the younger boy’s skin. It would only stop the blood from getting further than to the paper. “Can you hold these in place for me?” He asked, still with the soft and calming voice. Sam grabbed his lower arms as a response, giving Gabriel some time to do what he needed to do. He stood up and left, he was going to see if he could find someone who could get help. He would not leave Sam alone.

Sam pressed the paper against his arms, watching Gabriel stand up and leave the bathroom. That’s it, Sam thought, he’s going to leave me here and he won’t come back. He started crying again, dropping his hands down to let the paper fall off. 

To Gabriel’s surprise he saw his brother walking up the stairs. As he got closer he saw he had a black eye and a slight limp. He ignored as he found the Sam’s case slightly more pressing than his brother’s injuries. “Castiel! I need your help. Sam, the new boy, needs help. Can you go and bring someone?” Gabriel rushed to say. Castiel’s face paled a little as he said it, but nodded as he turned around, heading down the stairs.

He knew he should get one of the nurses, but Sam’s word reminded him of the fact that he had a brother just a few hundred meters away. He headed for the college instead. As he entered the building, a few glances were thrown at him but nothing else. The air smelled disgusting, it smelled sweat and urine. Instead of thinking about how the air smelled he rushed over to one of the older boys and asked him whether or not he knew where he could find Dean Winchester. He said he thought he was down the hall, but that he wasn’t sure. But soon enough, he found a boy who stood alone and ran over to him. “Are you Dean Winchester?” Castiel asked, panting from the pain he felt in his ribcage. “Yes, why?” The boy asked. “I’m Castiel, a friend of your brother.”

Castiel quickly filled him in on what he knew and Dean’s stomach turned. Sam hadn’t even lasted a day, he thought he should have considered the possibility. They ran out of the smelly building, and into the clean and fresh one. Castiel guided him upstairs to where their brothers were. Dean entered the bathroom with his heart quickly pounding against his ribs. There was another boy there; he was standing outside one of the stalls with a calm look on his face and arms behind the walls. Dean heard Sam crying as he tried to break free from the arms that hold him still.

Gabriel had come back and just as Sam had picked up the glass shard once more, he had taken it away from him – just as Dean had done yesterday. Gabriel had grabbed his arms and held them in place. Gabriel was a very strong person. He could hold his arms still without trouble, despite Sam’s struggles. Sam felt angry, angry at himself and angry at Gabriel who kept him from punishing himself. Then he heard the door open once more, convinced that it was someone who had come to mock him he broke down in tears. 

Dean pushed his way past the boy who held Sam, he didn’t give a flying shit about who he was in that moment, he needed to get to Sammy. He threw his arms around his little brother’s neck and held him there. Dean could feel Sam’s struggle to get free, but he wouldn’t let him go. He hugged him tighter and heard the door open and then close. He assumed the brothers had gone outside. He refocused back on Sam who had bloody arms and clothes. “Oh, Sammy.” He said softly, trying to calm his brother down enough to get him to speak. “I’m sorry Dean,” Sam said, tears running downs his cheeks. 

Sam relaxed slightly as Dean took over, but tensed up again after a few seconds. He sat down on the floor and dragged Dean with him down. He cried and begged for forgiveness over and over again. Not caring that Dean said it didn’t matter, he still felt like he had betrayed him which made him feel useless and horrible. They sat like that for several minutes before changing something.

Sam had stopped crying and Dean pushed both of them up so that they could stand up. Sam held his head down, looking ashamed. Dean laid his hand on Sam’s cheek, letting him know it was nothing to worry about. “Would you like to go home?” Dean asked, knowing Sam wouldn’t want to stay. Sam nodded, refusing to speak. Dean grabbed his hand and led him out from the bathroom only to find the two brothers out there, waiting for them. 

The brothers came out through the door as Castiel took a breath to start arguing with his brother again. Gabriel threw a look at the brothers before nodding; he assumed they were leaving for the day to let Sam recover. Dean smiled thankfully at them both before dragging Sam down the stairs with him and out to the car. They left the school without another word being said.

“Do you think he’ll be alright?” Castiel asked as Gabriel scratched his lower arm. “You mean Sam?” Gabriel looked at his little brother as he nodded. “Yes, I think he’ll be all right.” Gabriel smiled as he mentally added: I’ll make sure of it.


	6. A Realization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel and Gabriel, being the concerned friends they are, visits the Winchesters at their home. The confrontation may or may not bring any insight into why the youngest Winchester has such problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I have noticed how many spelling and grammar errors there are in these chapters. I will fix them as soon as possible and I'll be using a page called; SpellCheck. Know that I appreciate that you notice this stuff, especially when you tell me so that I can fix them. The reason there are so many errors are simple, I don't proof read. I should, I know, but I don't get enough time. However, I will take the time to do so now. But you'll get a chapter in the mean time :)
> 
> Enjoy!

As the week went on, neither of the brothers saw the Winchesters. Castiel managed to persuade Gabriel to get their home address. It was easy enough; he only had to speak with Meersh, a student who is known as The Trickster. The only thing Gabriel had to remind him of was the one time he had given him the correct answers to an extremely important test since he had been too stoned to study for it himself. Gabriel was not surprised when he got the address at the end of their third period.

On Fridays the parking lot was always difficult to get out from, but Castiel hurried over to his brother who now stood in the line of getting out. He opened the door as soon as the queue started moving. _How ironic_ , he thought to himself. “Well, did you get the address?” Castiel asked impatiently, knowing that every second mattered. “We’re on our way there,” Gabriel said, both leaving the road with his eyes. “Good.” Castiel settled against the passenger door, thinking it would take them a while to get there.

They stepped out of the car, heading towards the tiny building and knocked at the front door. The door was old, just as the rest of the houses in this block. It took a while before someone came to open the door; it was a middle-aged man with scruffy clothes and angry-looking eyes. Gabriel immediately felt like he should protect his younger brother from the man, but the feeling of being watched kept him from moving at all. Gabriel felt the discomfort rise as he studied the man; he only needed to throw a quick glance at his brother to know he felt the same way. “Who are you and what do you want?” The man growled at them. Before Castiel had opened his mouth to stutter out something incoherent, Gabriel answered him. “We are friends of Sam and Dean Winchester.” Gabriel made sure to look stern, knowing it could earn him some respect from the man. “What do you want with my sons?” He asked, softening ever so slightly when his children were brought up. Gabriel was about to answer when he heard a somewhat more familiar voice say something. The man, who appeared to be their father tiredly sighed and swept his fingers over his face. “Come on in, you can go and tell them you’re here. They won’t see me.”

Gabriel and Castiel seemed to have gotten there just in time to break up a fight the brothers had. Gabriel took Sam’s arms in a firm grip, pushing him to one side of the room while Castiel took Dean to the other. “All right, calm down sugar tops,” Gabriel said as Sam tried to get out of his grip, the boy was surprisingly strong to be seventeen, but it was nothing they could focus on now. “Gabriel threw a look at his brother’s direction, to make sure Dean was kept there. Surprisingly, Dean didn’t fight; he was standing calmly and rested against the wall. He stood there with a calm looking face, which Gabriel had seen many times in his lifetime. The look which said; It will be all right, I won’t be angry with you when it’s over. He shifted his gaze back to Sam, he didn’t fight anymore. In fact, he was barely standing and keeping the tears from welling over and down his cheeks. Gabriel let go his of his arms, allowing him to sit down and cry. He glanced back at his brother, telling him it was okay to let Dean walk over to his brother.

Dean didn’t hurry, it surprised Castiel, but looking at his brother’s approving look, he would have done the same. Gabriel came over to him and they looked at each other, trying to figure out what had happened. Neither had a qualified guess, so they both turned their gazes towards the brothers on the other side of the room. The room was tiny and bright; one could walk across the room with four long strides without risking hitting anything. They had few belonging, the Winchesters, Castiel was curious to why, but found the situation inappropriate. Despite being so close, they could not hear what the older brother said to the younger one.

“It’s okay Sammy. I won’t do it.” Dean whispered and let his warm arms wrap around the younger boy. Sam grabbed hold of his shirt and held it tightly, not daring to let go. “I’m so sorry Dean, I’m sorry. Please forgive me, I’m so sorry.” Sam’s whispers had turned into sobs. “You have nothing to be sorry about, little brother.” Dean pulled Sam into a tight hug and kissed the top of his head. They sat there, unmoving, for twenty minutes. Then his brother seemed to have collected himself enough to speak coherently. “I’m sorry Dean.” He mumbled as he pulled away from the tight hug and stood up. “I’ll take a shower.” Dean nodded at him with a smile on his lips; he knew the boy felt terrible and needed all of the encouragement he could possibly get. Sam left the three and got into the shower.

As soon as the door closed behind him, Dean’s smile dropped. He looked tired and drained of every emotion. He walked over to the guests and pointed at one of the beds. “You can sit if you’d like. By the way, we haven’t been introduced, I’m Dean.” Gabriel stepped forward and shook Dean’s hand and answered. “I’m Gabriel, Castiel’s older brother.” Dean himself slumped down on the opposite bed, still watching the brothers as they awkwardly sat down. “So what brings you over?” Dean asked, making sure to everything there was to be known, in case Sam asked questions later.

Gabriel sat down next to his brother on the bed closest to the window. This time Castiel answered before him. “We wanted to make sure you were all right.” Castiel said nervously. Dean nodded in response as he too sat up in a proper way. Dean’s eyes wandered over the two boys who had helped him on the first day of school. “Thank you, for the other day.” Dean said as he looked into their eyes before braking eye contact. Gabriel could feel his eyes observe him, unconscious of the action, but a necessary one. His arms started itching again and this time he scratched them.

Dean looked at their wrists, unconsciously making sure they hadn’t cut themselves. The action was a necessity when it came to Sam; he had to make sure he knew whether or not the boy had more cuts today than yesterday. His eyes locked on Gabriel’s arms. There were cuts there. Old ones, but a few new ones as well. “Hey, Gabriel, do you hurt yourself too?” Dean asked, waving his hands in vague gesture towards Gabriel’s arms.

Gabriel looks down at his arms as Dean mentions his old scars. “I stopped a few years back, I haven’t cut in ages.” Gabriel felt Dean’s disbelieving look as he looked down at them himself. _Strange_ , he thought, _these marks looks way too fresh to have been a few years old_. Castiel stares at him too; hoping that his brother hadn’t started again. Hoped and prayed to the angels he hadn’t. “These cuts,” he says as he stands up and walks over to Gabriel, “are never than a few years buddy.” He mentally agrees and puts on a confused mask. “I swear, I haven’t done it years. I don’t know what this is.” Suddenly a new mark shows itself on his arm, he felt utterly confused. The appearing made him look at his arms more carefully, scanning them with his eyes. They stop by his left hand, where locations had been scribbled down. But he knows those are the same places as he saw on Sam’s wrist. They are also written in _his own_ handwriting. Suddenly it clicks for him. The reason Sam had the locations on his wrist in the first place, was because Gabriel had put them there to not forget about them. The reason he got new scars on his wrists was because Sam cut himself there. They were _soul mates_. Then the realization hit him hard again and he rushed to the bathroom door and broke it open. He grabbed Sam’s shoulder and turned him away from the shower. He was holding one of the small glass shards from the bathroom in his hand. Gabriel took it and threw it backward. Dean and Castiel had followed him and they both stood by the open door. They silently watched as Gabriel pulled Sam into a tight hug, which resulted in Sam crying once again.


	7. The Bridge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The room was too warm to sleep in, so Sam decides to take a walk outside when a thought hits him. He wanted to check it out, but once again, Gabriel was somehow there and stopping him from doing it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I have realized that I have been focusing mostly on the relationship Gabriel and Sam has, it isn't much yet, but still. However, I will write about Cas' and Dean's relation as well, later...
> 
> Also, the chapter is kinda happy (?), or something. If you find any tags I should add to the tag-list, LET ME KNOW! Either by commenting or sending me an email. I am always thankful for the feedback I get. I should add that I haven't had time to edit the chapters, I'm just trying to get the story out there, y'know? So I'll get to it as soon as possible, which is in two or three days. We'll see, I do however promise that it WILL happen.
> 
> Also, I remembered that something has to happen too, so the next chapter something will happen! Not just walking around on pavements and stargazing, no, something else will happen. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Darkness fell and everyone was tired. Neither of the brothers wanted to leave that night. They didn’t really have any choice, but they promised they would visit them again tomorrow. The Winchester brothers didn’t tell their father since they both had the feeling that their father didn’t like the boys from their school. 

Sam and Dean shared the bed furthest from the door whilst their father slept on the other bed. Sam couldn’t sleep, though; his mind was wandering back and forth, replaying the events of the evening in his mind. He couldn’t understand how Gabriel had known what he was doing, he had made sure to have the water running so that no one would hear him. He tried to retrace his actions to see if he had given it away somehow, but he couldn’t possibly remember when that would have been. He closed his eyes trying to think of other things as his head was killing him with its never ending pounding. He decided to take a walk to clear his head. He left a note to Dean, just in case he would wake up before he returned. 

Sam walked on the sidewalk, careful not to touch the railing. It would only make him reconsider and turn back. He walked a bit further, feeling as the cool air was so much nicer than the dusty, warm air in the motel room. As he reached the middle of the bridge he turned to look at the view. It was beautiful; the moon’s light illuminated everything, making everything seem so special. He hadn’t noticed that Gabriel had followed him there, to the point on the bridge. “Whatever you are thinking of doing, I strongly advise against it,” Gabriel said and the seriousness wasn’t escapable. Sam didn’t look at him, he knew he would be stopped before he jumped. Gabriel didn’t seem like the kind of guy who would let someone jump off a bridge when they obviously weren’t thinking straight. Not that he’d let someone ever jump off a bridge if he was there to pull them back. “How did you know that it was me? Are you following me?” Sam asked, suspicion could only be hinted in his voice, but Gabriel heard it and answered truthfully. “No, I live here. In that house,” he said and pointed to a pale blue house on the other side of the road. “And I saw you walk by, so I thought I’d join you.”

Gabriel carefully watched Sam, knowing only a tiny step in the wrong direction could make Sam jump the other way – into the water. He knew it was a possibility that he’d do that either way. He had been there himself, the same spot with the same kind of thoughts in his head. He knew what Sam wanted to know, wanted to _learn_ from this experience. What is it like drowning, in real water and not your mind? “Why don’t you come with me and I’ll present you to my family, okay?” Gabriel was careful not to use the wrong phrasing or tone, in the state Sam was in, he’d pick up on those quite quickly. “All right,” Sam said, nodded and backed away from the railing.

As Dean woke up, he couldn’t feel his brother’s warm body next to him. He sat up, carefully listening to sounds from the bathroom, but he only heard the light snoring of his father in the bed next to his. He looked around in the room and saw the letter Sam had written earlier in the morning. It said he was fine, but Dean was having a hard time believing that was the truth.  
  
As the hours went by, Dean was starting to panic. He even considered waking their father, but recalling the last time he had done so, he changed his mind. Dean quietly took a shower and got dressed, he would find Sam, but he’d need help. God only knows how good Sam was hiding when he wanted to. He remembered Gabriel’s and Castiel’s promise to come back and check on them and he decided to wait for them to show up. In the meantime, he read up on some stuff Sam had said they were going to read at school. Even though Dean didn’t want to be there, he didn’t want to seem lazy in their father’s eyes. So reading he did.

Once Gabriel had gotten Sam inside and led him to his room and sat him down on the bed, he fell asleep. Gabriel sighed and wondered when Sam had had a full night sleep. He let the boy sleep until seven thirty, knowing that Castiel would be the only one up. He gently shook the incredibly tall boy awake, barely dodging his fist. “Time to get you home, Samsquash.” He gently whispered into the boy’s ear. Sam slowly pulled himself up into a sitting position, eyelids drooping. Gabriel reached him a hand and as he grabbed it, Gabriel gently pulled him onto his feet.  
  
Castiel had woken up at the same time as he usually did, seven seventeen. He walked into the kitchen and made himself a cup of tea. When it was finished he sat down at the dining table, solving some ridiculously easy crosswords puzzle. He heard steps come walking in his direction and he was surprised to know that anyone but him had woken up at the early hour. He was even more surprised to see that it was Gabriel. Gabriel never left his room until two, later if possible _. It must be something serious then_ , Castiel thought. His thought was confirmed as he saw that Gabriel had someone walking behind him, not just anyone, but Sam Winchester. Castiel quickly rose to his feet, throwing a questioning look at his brother before looking at Sam again. He seemed incredibly tired, his face was pale and his eyes were bloodshot. He had large bags under his eyes and he wasn’t paying attention to his surroundings. That he proved when he accidentally walked into the doorframe to the kitchen. “Cassie, get dressed, we need to give Sam back to Dean before he freaks out,” Gabriel told Castiel. He had used his nickname on him for a purpose, but he didn’t know what. “All right, hold on for a sec. I’ll be back in a moment.” He held his promise. Soon he was back, dressed and ready to face the Winchester family once more.

They knocked on the thin door and they weren’t surprised when it was Dean who opened it. “Damn it, Sammy, if you do that again I will literally tie you to the bed and never let you go,” Dean mumbled as he walked to Sam and gave him a hug. “I did leave a note you know,” Sam whispered back. Dean let go of his brother and took a step back to recompose himself. He looked at the brothers who had, once again, saved Sam and thanked them every way possible. The brothers only looked at him but they smiled, reassuring him that they would always help him protect Sam.


	8. A Wet Walk In The Woody Park

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A simple word was all he needed.

Sam was seated opposite to his brother, the other two brothers standing with a tense posture by the opposite wall of where the beds were. They didn’t want to interrupt the brothers as they were going to have a “talk”. Dean was freaking out over the fact that Sam had gone to the bridge in the first place, not being able to pull him away from the railings and hold him. He knew what he wanted to do, he wanted to yell at his brother for disappearing and even risk getting hurt in the process. He wanted to yell at him for having such low thoughts of himself, not understanding what he meant to others. He wanted to yell at him because he wanted to yell at him. But that wouldn’t be possible. Not now, not ever. Sam would only need a few wrong words and he would tumble down the stairs to hell and he wouldn’t leave until he got hurt by the flames. So instead of shouting at his brother, he calmly whispered, “Why?”

 _Why?_ That’s what he wanted to know? Of all the things he could have asked, _why_ , was the one that actually slipped by his lips. The single word had a visible effect on Sam, he looked lost _. Oh, Dean, I wish I could tell you. But I can’t, you wouldn’t understand_. Sam looked down at the disgustingly brown floorboards, not wanting to answer the question. He didn’t want Dean to think he had something to do with it, so he tried to come up with an answer to make sure he got the message. “It’s not you.” Sam silently said, still looking down with his head bent down to rest on his chest. “Okay, Sammy. It’s all right, just tell me, why did you go out there?” Dean’s whispering voice was full of unnecessary worry. _If I wasn’t for me, he wouldn’t have to worry_. Sam thought, knowing he would never say it out loud. “I’m going out on a hunt. I left you some cash on the table. I’ll be back in a week or so.” The oldest of the three Winchesters said, interrupting them. A relieved, but yet terrified, feeling crept upon Sam.

Gabriel could see the mixture of feelings Sam’s face, he wanted to walk over and reassure Sam it would be okay, but he refrained from doing so as he assumed he would get thrown out if he didn’t shut up. So he stayed put and tried to sharpen his hearing instead. Of course, Castiel would not want him to eavesdrop on the boys’ conversation. “What’s going to happen now?” He mumbled, careful not to do it too loud, disturbing the brothers on the bed. He didn’t get any time to answer as Sam stood up, heading towards the door and was out in a matter of seconds. The door closed with a loud thud and left the three of them feeling a little bit colder than before. Gabriel looked back at the older brother, noticing that his carefully composed expression was gone. His face now revealed the hurricane of feelings and thoughts he had, but could never express with Sam around. He walked to him, trying to reassure him that he would help him through it. Help him with Sam.

Sam angrily stood up and left the room. He made sure to grab the jacket with lunch money, just in case he would need them. He passed Gabriel and Castiel on the way out, making sure the door shut loudly behind him. He walked towards centrum, taking a shortcut through the woods. He wasn’t exactly paying attention to where he went, but as soon as he stopped he knew he had gone the wrong way. He didn’t recognize any of his surroundings, but he did hear the faint sound of cars driving. It was starting to rain, so he pulled his jacket closer to his body. The coldness crept in on him no matter what he did. He tried to retrace his steps, he had to get home to ensure his brother that it wasn’t _him_ he was angry with, but he ended up going in circles. Soon he found a path in the wet soil and decided he would give it a shot. He was freezing because of the cold and the water, but he couldn’t risk taking his jacket off, that could make him sleep without shelter in case he wouldn’t find his way back home.

It was getting late and Sam had yet to show up. Castiel was talking with Dean whilst Gabriel sat and looked out the window to see if he could see Sam. Only a few minutes after Gabriel had decided he would go and get a drink, he showed up. Dean and Castiel looked up as they heard the door open and they quickly got to their feet. He was soaking with water and he was apparently freezing. Gabriel walked to his side, feeling the cold run off Sam in waves. “Damn it, Sammy,” Dean mumbled under his breath as he helped Gabriel to get Sam’s jacket off. “You go take a bath and get warmed up. Don’t lock the door.” Dean said, the last with a hint of anger. Sam simply nodded and left the boys in the room.

Sam was alone in the bathroom, glad he didn’t have to sit amongst those who worried about him. He looked around and his eyes found what he was looking for. The medicine cabinet. He hadn’t expected a motel to have drugs lying around, but he certainly didn’t mind. Before he would open it, he turned on the water and let it fill the bathtub. As the water was filling up he opened the cabinet and pulled out the different bottles. He read the labels, but after he read the first one, he decided it wouldn’t matter. He opened his opened his hand and let the pills fall into his palm, with every pill came some more confidence that he could actually pull it off. He carefully swallowed each and every single one of the pills dry, and then turned off the water. He stepped out of his clothes, carefully stepping into the bathtub. When he felt the hot water wash over him, he immediately relaxed.

And then everything slowly started to fade.


	9. The Three Noes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hm. Enjoy?

_“Give him this and he’ll be out in a matter of seconds.” The young man calmly said, handing him the fluid. He was short, had blonde whiskers matching his blonde hair. The doctor didn’t want to give the liquid to the boy, but the man’s piercing blue eyes didn’t leave room for his opinions. “What will happen to the boy? How do you even know he’ll be there?” The doctor asked, the worry in his voice was easy to detect. The man only scoffed at his question, denying him answers._

 

Sam was at the hospital. He was there because he _overdosed_ on drugs he found at the motel. Dean blamed himself for even letting the boy out of his sight, but there was nothing he could do for now. Only to wait and see. Castiel kept his mind occupied most of the time they were waiting, which he was thankful for. They got to know each other a little bit more than to the first name and Dean realized he actually liked the boy with the blue eyes and the dark hair.

 

 

“Stop arguing, Sam, we are going there whether you like it or not.” Dean angrily hissed at Sam. “After your little stunt, I won’t, _I can’t_ let you keep running.” Sam was angry, it was visible. His fists were balled, lips tightly pressed together and he was glaring at Dean with an angry looking expression. “I don’t want to.” Sam growled back. He was terrified of what they could discover if they decided to poke at his brain.

 

Gabriel and Castiel were still with the Winchesters, but they soon felt as if the air inside the hospital room was suffocating them. The heavy emotions were crashing with each other and they came from two places at the same time. They both wanted to jump in and stop the argument, but neither did. That could end in a catastrophe.

 

Castiel had gotten to know Dean more closely as they had been talking the night before. He had come to realize that he liked him. Not only was he cute, but he was incredibly smart too. He wanted to protect those he loved, even if they were giving him a hard time. Apparently he wasn’t too close to his father, yet they seemed to be able to have a functional and healthy relationship. Castiel wished he could have that kind of relation with his own father. They were always disagreeing on something, which caused a whole lot of problems that weren’t there before.

 

Gabriel silently observed the brothers as they were driving each other over the bridge. The bridge, being unstable as it was, didn’t make it any better. A few minutes into the brothers’ argument, he pulled Castiel out of his thoughts and pointed towards the brothers. They were at each other’s throats. Castiel nodded in understanding and they both moved forward to the Winchesters. Naturally, Gabriel walked over to Sam and Castiel got Dean. “All right, stop it now. What is it you guys can’t agree on?” Gabriel asked, trying to keep his tone somewhat light and easy. “He,” Dean pointed accusingly at Sam, “refuses to let me take him to a shrink.”

 

Sam shook his head as his brother started to talk about it again, now from a longer distance. He looked into Gabriel’s eyes, trying to make him let go of him, but he wouldn’t budge. Gabriel’s calm expression turned into a neural mask with only a few strings of worry. “Why don’t you want to go?” He whispered into Sam’s ear. Sam shivered as his warm breath washed over him. Sam discretely smelled him as well, now that he was standing close. He smelled like wet, newly mowed grass and honey. He then refocused his mind on what was happening, Gabriel had asked him _why_. _Because I’m afraid of what’s going to get revealed_ , didn’t seem like something you should say when you had overdosed on drugs not even eighteen hours ago. “Because I don’t want to talk about it.” Sam whispered, not sure whether or not Gabriel had heard him.

 

He had heard him, of course he had. He raised his hand and gently pushed his hair away from his forehead. “You don’t have to, Samshine. You can talk about whatever you like and you can decide entirely when you don’t want to dig further into a subject” Gabriel tried to convince Sam to agree on it with his eyes. “You sure?” Sam asked, eyes drifting off to somewhere no one else would see. “Yeah, sure.” Gabriel gave him a reassuring smile. “All right then.” Sam sighed in reluctance.

 

 

The brothers were seated in the Impala. The sun was beaming on the car whilst they waited for the right time to enter the building. Sam looked out through the window, watching couples walk around on the streets, hand in hand. Sam knew Dean thought his reluctance was annoying, but he didn’t care, Dean knew why. They waited in silence as the time was ticking closer to the time of the appointment.

 

Dean felt as the waves of anxiety and tension came from Sam, but decided to do nothing about it. He wanted to, but he knew Sam would only be begging him to take him home again. It was three minutes until the scheduled meeting, so they stepped out from the car and stood by it. The air and asphalt was warm, but still comfortable. Dean glazed over at Sam and saw him clenching and unclenching his fists, his way of making sure he had some kind of control over his body. He usually did so when he was hit by strong emotions, say restlessness and anxiety.

 

They walked towards the beige brick building, not in a particularly quick pace. Sam followed Dean and made sure to not slack behind too much. That would only make Dean wait and that could lead to irritation. Irritation didn’t always leave a pretty mark, but it usually passed quickly.  They entered through the large glass doors, they were scratched, but one could still see through them. They sat down on the chairs closest to the green wall. As soon as they were seated, Sam’s leg started bouncing. It wasn’t a conscious act, but when Dean put a hand on it, he stopped.  

 

The doctor looked at the list in his hand, only three more before he could go home and find his healthy son lying on the couch in their living room, probably watching some stupid sports game. The doctor had to admit that it was a nice thought, having his sick boy back on his feet again. But to get it, he’d need to give the liquid to the boy. _Here goes nothing_. “Samuel Winchester?”

 

Sam didn’t immediately get up; Dean had to give him a nudge to understand that he wasn’t willing to back down. Sam, of course, understood and slowly made his way to his feet. “It’s me.” He said with a weak voice. “Come with me, Samuel.” The doctor said and winked him into one of the rooms. It all reminded Sam of how a dentist would treat the patients, but he kept quiet. The doctor closed the door and sat down in one of the soft chairs. “You can sit down Samuel.” The doctor said and pointed at the couch in front of him. “It’s Sam.” Sam whispered, not sure whether or not he wanted him to hear. He didn’t move though, but the doctor simply smiled at him and stood up. “Would you like a glass of water, Sam?” He asked, patiently waiting for the boy to answer. Sam nodded and looked around in the room. Its walls were painted in a calming blue color, the rug and fabric of the furniture matching. The floor was a light brown plastic floor and had some darker spots on it. He guessed that was where the furniture once had been placed. He hadn’t heard that the doctor had come back, but when he felt a poke at his arm, he understood that he had zoned out. “Thank you.” Sam mumbled, grabbing the glass and taking a sip of the clear liquid. “Now, why don’t you take a seat and we’ll talk about something?” Sam immediately sat down, not sure of why he had done it, he was sure as hell not the one wanting it.

 

The doctor patiently waited for the boy to drink some more water. But it wasn’t going fast enough, so he did the only thing he could think of; stress the boy to the limit where he’d drink the water as an excuse to not respond. “So, _Sam_. Why do you hurt yourself?” The doctor asked, watched as the boy tensed up and tightened his grip around the glass. “Do you find yourself disgusted when you look at you? Because I’ve got to say, you look really handsome.”

 

Sam was freaking out _. Why was the shrink asking him these questions now? Wasn’t he supposed to make him feel comfortable or something?_ Sam didn’t want to answer the questions so he took the glass to his lips and swallowed all of its content. The water had a metallic sort of after taste, but there was something else too. He couldn’t pinpoint what exactly it was, but it was _wrong_.

 

It felt like time stopped. Pain ran through Sam’s head and suddenly everything turned a shade or two darker. The doctor was still in the room, asking Sam questions he couldn’t possibly hear. Behind the doctor he saw three shadows. The tallest one of them stepped forward and held something sharp against the doctor’s neck. It was a knife, one of Dean’s hunting knifes to be precise. The tall shadow moved its hand out, away from the doctor, before pushing it into the man’s neck. It did kill him, but it was a rather slow death. The man had only cut off the large artery in the doctor’s neck, making him bleed out. The man, now identifiable as Dean, stepped over the body and walked over to Sam. “Hey little brother, we’re just going to get out of here, all right?” Dean asked, making sure Sam’s eyes stayed on him instead of the corpse. The two shorter shadows followed them out from the office and out to the waiting room. There were corpses there too. “What the hell, Dean?” Sam stopped, trying to figure things out as it went on, but he couldn’t possibly wrap his head around why there were corpses lying in the room. Dean had also stopped, looking down at the bloodied floor and then up at Sam. “They were monsters, or they were placed there by monsters to make everything look normal.” Dean quickly explained and started to walk again. They walked out to the car and Sam watched the now dark blue sky that had once been so full of life. The air wasn’t even warm anymore, it was cold and it threatened to take a piece of your body and chew on it. Sam turned around to look at the shadows that had followed them, the shadows belonged to Castiel and Gabriel.

 

Suddenly the surroundings changed. It was darker and the musty smell was overwhelming. He was tied to a chair with his hands back bound. The rope that had been used was rough and scratched his wrists as he tried to get out of them. The gag in his mouth was uncomfortable beyond measures, but he tried to not make a sound. He suddenly heard footsteps coming his way and he immediately stopped with the ropes. The person that came had an oil lamp with him. It didn’t bring much light, but it was light enough for Sam to see that it was Gabriel. He felt a sting of hope that bloomed out in his chest until it filled him with hope of getting away. Gabriel tip toed his way to Sam, making as little noise as possible. “All right Sammy, let’s get you out of here, shall we?” Gabriel smiled as he said it. Sam nodded and tried to not move unless it was necessary. Only, when Gabriel instead of untying the ropes, he made sure they were in place before calling out loud. “Dean, Cassie!” Immediately the other two showed up, both of them holding things in their hands. “We brought you yours.” Dean said, handing Gabriel a taser stick. It was stronger than usual taser were and it was a lot more dangerous too. “Thank you.” Gabriel said before turning to face Sam. He was wearing a grim smile that soon showed on Dean’s and Castiel’s faces as well. Dean stepped forward and knocked him out with whatever was in his hand.

 

Sam woke up, hoping he had woken up from a horrible dream, only to be met by three grim faces. As Castiel stepped forward and penetrated his stomach with a knife, he whispered, “No shouting.” He stepped back, pulling the knife out with him. Dean then took his place and shoved large, but sharp, nails through Sam’s hands. He also bent over and whispered in Sam’s ear. “No struggling.” He then stepped back and left the nails in their places. Lastly was Gabriel to step forward, having the teaser charged and ready in his hand. It was turned up way higher than necessary; it was strong enough to kill a goat! He got close and shoved the end of the stick to Sam’s neck. It made him twitch violently, but as soon as Gabriel removed the stick the twitching stopped. “And most definitely, no sleeping!” Gabriel laughed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry about that. I rewrote parts of this chapter because I hated it. It all seemed too rushed and too shallow. 
> 
> Hope it's better now!


	10. Drowning In Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Water was always better than blood. Or, at least, to drown in.

**_Slightly more graphic descriptions of violence and injuries in this chapter than previous chapters, mostly injuries, you needn’t read this chapter if you find this disturbing. Know that Sam is tortured and that’s pretty much all you need to know._ **

The natural thing to do when you need to breathe is to open your mouth. You do that even if you’re underwater, even though you know it’s a stupid idea. Water was however always better than blood. Or, at least, to drown in. Sam discovered that quite soon and he’d always prefer it when they shoved his head under the surface of the water, instead of blood. Blood was thick and had a metallic smell and he would almost throw up every time he was led to one of those buckets. The taste was worse, metallic, dusty and dirty. The taste would linger on his tongue many disgusting hours afterward. He never seemed to die either, he would always wake up and feel like shit and then they’d kill him off again _and again, and again._

****

Sam woke up, shaking and freezing despite his clothes. He didn’t open his eyes, afraid of what he might see. He could feel heavy and cool air surround him, digging its way deeper into his lungs. The musty smell had only worsened and it threatened to make him throw up. He felt himself tense up by the faint sound of footsteps and took a deep breath to calm himself down. That was a mistake. The footsteps came closer and whoever it was grabbed his head and bent it back. “Glad you’re awake, Sammy boy. Almost thought you couldn’t handle it.” It was Dean. Sam kept his eyes closed, afraid of the evil grin he knew would be on his brother’s face.

Today’s water was boiling and as soon as he touched it, it burned him. Unfortunately his capturers didn’t care about that, in fact, they loved to see the panicked face of their prisoner’s face as he tried to keep himself from screaming out loud. He had learned his lesson the first time when he had tried to get away from the firm grip one of them had on his head as they guided it towards the bucket which was filled with blood. They had taken him away from it, but placed him on a table and strapped his arms and legs down. They placed a white, soft piece of fabric over his head, blocking his view and creating a claustrophobic atmosphere. It had been hard to breathe, but he tried nevertheless. Without any heads up, he felt someone pour water down on his face. The water resource seemed to be ever filled and they kept going until they saw his body go limp. Of course, when he woke up again, they would simply continue for as long as they thought it was fun. 

What felt like months later, he was finally back on a chair again. He didn’t mind the fact that the hardwood was uncomfortable, the disgusting smell or the sight of blood under is feet. He didn’t care that his closest friends and family was torturing him, _because he deserved it_. He could never shake the feeling off and the fact that his brother and his friends kept calling him freak, abomination, failure and _morbus_ , did not help him.

Soon he learned that the chair was only meant for verbal abuse, never physical. He was glad, though, that they’d keep the two things apart and that they’d separate where the things happened. It made sense, it had _order_.

A second or so after thinking that, he wasn’t tied to the chair anymore; he was firmly tied to a cold metal pole which was placed in the middle of a round room. The floor he stood on was hard and slippery, making it difficult to stand. He glanced downwards and saw that it was bloody as well. Then it hit him, the whip. Its leather was hard and it was whipped with a lot of force. He winced as it crossed his shoulder blades the second time. He bit his tongue as he remembered what his capturers would do unless he was quiet. A cold shiver ran through him as he heard the laughter of the three not very old people that meant more than the world to him.

They changed the whip to a wrench and _that_ hurt. He felt his ribs crack with every strike, his mouth was filling up with blood as well, which did nothing to help him to stay somewhat calm. He spat it out while catching his breath as well. That was also a mistake, he was hit and this time he couldn’t help but let out the scream of pain and terror. The laughter immediately stopped. He was let down from the pole and landed in the pool of blood he had been standing in. He was dragged out from the round room and into another, square shaped one. He was dropped there, not carefully, but rather harshly. The floor was rather odd, it was somewhat colder than the air and it was made of iron. There were holes in the floor as well, holes large enough for him to stick his fist down. Suddenly it was on fire. The whole room was burning and he was not spared the heat. He watched, screaming, yelling and pleadingly, as his flesh started to burn. How the red flames licked their way up to his waist, his chest and arms. His hair had started to burn long before anything else and he was completely bald, both on his scalp and arms.

When all of his muscles were gone, so was Sam. He was floating around in his mind, not remembering anything that had happened. It was peaceful, calm and quiet in his there. Something it hadn’t been a long time. Something he had missed and something he clung onto as everything started to hurt again.


	11. Obvious Nightmare

Sam had been sleeping for a long time. Dean knew that his brother liked sleeping a lot, but he was starting to think something was wrong. Eighteen hours straight wasn't normal, nor was the fact that the kid was sleeping despite the nightmares he appeared to have. He was twisting and thrashing, but he didn't wake up. He always woke up as soon as it got too violent, and God knows that the kid didn't have a lack of imagination. Dean felt warm arms grip around his waist, pulling him into a warm hug. He and Cas had decided to give a relationship a go, now that they knew each other. Dean had tried to explain that they were hunting, but doing that and trying not to reveal too much was a difficult task. He had ended up telling him _and_ his brother about what their full-time job was, why their father was absent now. Cas' father worked within the air defense, two of his brothers had followed and they were rarely seen. When his younger sister, Anna, was young, she wanted to follow in her brothers' footsteps, but as she grew up she had gotten herself a law degree. Dean remembered that it had been his brother's plan for the future, getting into law and all that came with it.

Sam stirred in the motel bed, which had both Dean and Gabriel flying to their feet. Dean glanced over at him, not missing the worried expression on his face. He was, of course, worried himself and didn't bother with the brothers. Getting to the side of the bed, Dean carefully knelt down, placing himself on the same level as his little brother. He put a hand on his Sam's arm, a touch saying; _I'm here, don't worry_. But apparently, the message didn't reach him. Sam started to squirm and fling with his long arms. Without a second's hesitation, Gabriel and Dean grabbed one arm each and held it down. Then the screaming started. It sounded like a wounded animal getting stabbed and it sent cold shivers down Dean's spine. He tried to talk to him, calm him down, but it didn't seem to be working. Dean tensed up when Gabriel tilted over, placing his head directly above Sam's. He then released his grip around Sam's wrist and pressed his hands against Sam's face. That immediately calmed the boy down, but only enough for him to stop screaming. What surprised Dean, even more, was when Gabriel pushed his lips towards Sam's and his body went limp. As Gabriel rose again, Dean glared at him, telling him that they'd talk about it later on.

 

All three of them were sitting across the room and now that Sam, once again, was calm and out cold, Dean felt he could talk to Gabriel about the kiss. "Why did you do it?" He asked the slightly older boy as they sat down at the tiny kitchen table. Gabriel looked down and tried to hide a grin, but failed quite miserably. "Let's just pretend that you aren't the only ones 'in a relationship'." He then rose from his chair and walked towards Sam. He sat down next to him and grabbed his left hand and gave it a squeeze.

 

Gabriel sat down, holding Sam's warm hand in his own. Praying to whatever god might be listening, that he would wake up. As if on a cue, Sam withdrew his hand and sat up, shivering quite violently. Gabriel heard Dean rise and walk towards them, but he didn't care about that. He put a blanket around Sam, trying to stop the shivering. Dean sat down on Sam's right side, stretching his arms out to hug his brother, but stopped as soon as Sam leaned away from him. "Please don't hurt me." The whimpering broke both of the elder brothers' hearts, and they looked at each other before turning to Sam again.

 

"What do you mean Sammy?" Dean looked at his brother, trying to understand what was going on. He looked away, trying to scramble away from the two. "Whoa, take it easy, dude," Gabriel scooted back to give Sam space, but Dean tried to get closer, to hold d him close. He did unfortunately not see the fist until it crashed against his jaw. Sam sprung out of the bed, landed on the floor and tried to run away.

 

As Sam jumped out of the bed, Gabriel stretched his arms out, catching the younger Winchester. Dean tried to follow, but Gabriel turned around, facing away from Dean. "Back off for a second, would you?" His brisk voice got Dean to stop in his tracks and do as he was told. Gabriel pulled Sam with as he sat down on the rug-clad floor. Sam was trying to escape Gabriel's strong grip, but he didn't get anywhere. Instead, he threw his arms around him, crying and begging. "Please, don't hurt me. I won't do it again. I promise!"

 

Dean watched his boyfriend's brother hold Sam with all of his might, holding him together. He could see Gabriel lifting his hand, stroking it over his brother's soft, shoulder-long hair. It always worked to calm him down, and apparently, it didn't matter who did it, because it worked wonders now. Sam was slowly stilling in Gabriel's arms who whispered quiet words into his ear. 

 

As Sam was calming down in Gabriel's embrace, he noticed his surroundings. The disgusting basement was not where he was. He was at the motel their father had dumped them at. The smell of newly mowed grass filled his nose alongside the sweet scent of candy. Gabriel. He had his arms wrapped around him, holding his head and feeling fingertips scratching his scalp. It was comforting, just as comforting as when Dean did it. As soon as he thought it, he tried to pull away. He was kissed on his left temple before he was free. He stood up and rolled his shoulders, deciding that sitting on the bed would be more comfortable than on the floor.  

 

Castiel had watched the scene from a distance, not wanting to intrude on the all too tense atmosphere. He saw the way Gabriel held Sam, the way he calmed him, protected him from everything and everyone. He had not seen that side of his brother in a long time, which made him smile. He missed that Gabriel. 

 

Now that Sam was standing, Dean considered him well enough to answer a few questions. "Are you all right?" That was the most important one. Sam looked over at him and weariness in his eyes answered the question. "Did something happen during your meeting?" Dean was careful to not raise his voice or gesture too wildly, afraid that it would send the younger one into another attack. 

 

"Yeah..." Sam worried his lower lip and clenched his fists into tight balls. Dean knew his brother well enough to know what that meant. He wouldn't talk. Dean wanted to keep asking questions but he was interrupted. 

 

They heard someone knock on the door, first two taps, then four. It was their dad. "Cas, Gabe, you need to leave. Dad's gonna kill us if he knows we invited you," The brothers nodded and hurried out through the window next to the beds. When Dean was sure their father wouldn't see them, he opened the door and let him in. 

 

"Did you boys notice anything strange when I was gone?" John asked his sons as he unpacked the bag with groceries, eyes scanning them both. As usual, it was Dean who spoke first.

 

"No, sir," Dean answered and stood a little straighter. It wasn't something their dad would notice, but Sam would and he would think of it as a reminder that his brother would always be there for him. Because even if Dean didn't know what troubled his brother, he knew he needed all of the support he could get. 

"Why? Did you?" Sam asked, wanting to know more about the real problem at hand. John threw a glance at his youngest, not expecting him to participate in the conversation whatsoever.

 

"It was a Djinn. They can create either a very happy place or a horrible place. They aren't fun to be around, not even if it's just to kill them." Sam swallowed and nodded. "And on top of that, it seems to be a nest here, which means that there are a few of them left."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm sorry for not updating in forever. I truly am. I was rewriting the chapter so many times and I had some struggles with how to start the whole thing. But here you go! I will try to update it more regularly, now that I've gotten past some of the obstacles I needed to get over to be able to continue without too much struggle.
> 
> I want to thank all of you!  
> Thank you for reading my story, kudoing and commenting!  
> Thank you, those who keep reading, even if I suck at updating and that stuff!! :)


	12. Back On The Bridge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I realize that I haven't updated in four months. I'm very sorry. I felt like I was losing connection to everything that happened and every character involved. I did not intend that it'd take me four months to get back on track, but now I might be able to continue according to my plan.
> 
> Have a nice time and may the force be with us all in these hard times!

Dean and John sat at the table, talking about the best ways to take out a nest of Djinn. So far they had no suggestion to how to take them out, and Sam was doing his best to not listen. He was tired of only having hunting-related conversations with his father. He wanted a real relationship with him, not one where he and Dean were his soldiers and he was their commander, but a relationship most fathers had with their sons. He had already voiced his unwelcome thoughts on the matter once, and now he knew how any similar act would end.

 

Dean knew his brother was uninterested in the hunt, it was obvious on his face and the fact that he wasn't plastered by their dad's side to learn about this new freak that needed to die. However, soon his thoughts were broken by the familiar and commanding voice, demanding his attention. "The best way to kill a djinn is to stab it with a silver knife dipped in lamb blood," his father closed the book he had been reading through and looked over at the boy on the bed furthest from the door. "Hey, Dean, is everything alright with your brother?"

 

John may not have been particularly involved with his youngest's upbringing, but he had deemed it to better that way. He had handed that responsibility over to Dean, then he could focus on the tasks at hand. He did, however, notice that something was off with him. His usual need to know everything seemed to have escaped him for the evening.

 

Sam knew he was being watched by both of the other two, but he didn't turn to face them. "I'm fine guys, I just need a little air," he said and planted his feet on the ground. He didn't care about the worried look that was brought upon Dean's face, he just grabbed his jacket and shoes, walking out the door. The dark night was chilling, but it was welcome. The air inside of their room was dusty and dry, doing nothing good when he already felt like he had trouble breathing. There were streetlights that lit up the main road, but their yellow light spread further out on the sides than it did on the road. He decided on walking alongside it, for the sake of the light.

 

Dean thought about going after him but decided against it. He needed some space after the day's events. He wasn't sure if he felt guilty or sad. Guilty because there was nothing he could do to help his brother, and sad because said brother didn't want his help to deal with whatever it was. He sighed and sat down at the table again, trying to get his head back in the game and help his father with the Wendigos. 

 

Sam hadn't paid attention to where he was walking, but when he focused on where he actually was, he recognized the place immediately. It was the bridge close to Gabriel's and Castiel's home. He wasn't feeling as turbulent as he did last time he was there. Now he was relatively calm and collected, convinced that his dream was just that, a dream. As he got further in on the bridge, he saw a figure sitting on the railing. Wondering why he walked up and saw that it was Gabriel. "Hello, Gabriel," he said as he placed himself next to him. He didn't say anything else, hoping that the comfortable silence would hold a little longer.

 

After leaving the Winchesters, the Novak brothers had walked home, both with warm feelings in their chests. Castiel had gone to his room to do something, Gabriel wasn't sure he wanted to exactly what he did, and Gabriel himself had stayed outside on the bridge to watch the sunset. Sure, it was chilling outside, but he didn't care to be bothered by it. He hadn't expected any more company that evening, but he wasn't complaining when he hear it was Sam. He wondered if something had happened since Dean wasn't with him, but he decided not to ask. Nor did he say anything to fill the silence. It was comfortable and they watched as the last rays of the sun disappear under the horizon. "Hey, Sam, why ar you here? Thought you were supposed to stay with your brother?" he didn't turn to look at him, but he doubted that was necessary. He saw his shoulders shrug but he didn't push it. Gabriel sighed softly before he turned around and got down on the ground. "Come on, I'll go with you," not that he doubted Sam's ability to get home safely on his own, he just wanted an excuse for being around him.  He grabbed hold of Sam's hand and lead them back to the motel the Winchesters were staying at. 

 

Dean and his father had decided that they'd scout the place the next night since both of them were tired. Dean was admittedly worried when Sam didn't pick up or answer, it was dark outside and he more than anyone knew what was out in the shadows. He knew the kid had brought his phone, and it was never dead. So he was actively ignoring him or he was in trouble. He prayed to _someone_ that his brother was safe and was just acting childish. The sky had already darkened and the fact that there was nada from his brother, only fired on his growing worry. He lifted his glance to the window one more time before he decided to call their dad. He had gone out on a supply run and had told Dean to call him if something happened. Luckily, he caught sight of his brother together with someone he could make out was Gabriel. Even more obvious was it when Gabriel grabbed hold of Sam's face and kissed his cheek. 

 

Sam came back much happier and lighter than he had left. He had thought about the nightmare he had the night before. It was terrifying and it felt like it was real, just as real as anything else he could touch and see was. He watched the parking lot, wondering if their father had left them once again. Stepping through the door got him a worried Dean around the neck, trying to make sure he was okay as well as scold him for not picking up or answering his texts. "Are you hurt? Where were you?" Dean's slightly pitched voice asked him, as well he cut off his oxygen intake. 

 

"I'm fine, Dean," Sam answered as well as put an arm between them to be able to breathe. "I'm just tired, so I'm going to sleep. Now if you don't mind," he pushed gently against Dean's chest to tell him to let go. He did and Dean smiled at his back whilst he changed clothes, wishing to God that his brother had a dreamless night.   
  
He knew he shouldn't have trusted God to do that...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, and I'd like to think I've improved my ability to write in the past four months, but keep me updated on what you think, would you?
> 
> Lots of love and hugs and other sappy stuff!


	13. Give in, Not up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, so I might've taken longer than I would've wished to get it out and finished. Buuuut, I'd like to think that I've gotten back in touch with my characters and improved my writing skillz even if it's just a little. So enjoy a particularly late chapter!

_Give in, not up_ was something that Sam would become accustomed to hearing over the next few days. It was mostly Gabriel who said it, but Dean and Castiel alike both said the same at times. They were timing the words to whichever situation they found him in, and they made sure to vary how it was said, yet they made sure that it was clear what they wanted.

Castiel had been the first to tell him. He had found the younger Winchester walking aimlessly around in the outskirts of the town, both of their brothers busy with work and school. Castiel himself had been allowed to skip the last few classes due to him having done all that had been asked of them and delivered the assignments on time. He had planned on going to the café none of his classmates knew about, one that Gabriel had told him to go to if he wanted to be alone or make sure no one found him anywhere - today hadn't been the best of days, but he'd manage. He was simply not a particularly social creature and needed time to himself. So, of course, finding Sam on his way there was not what he had expected, but he certainly didn't mind. When the youngest of the brothers was calm and collected, much like he seemed to be at the time, the two of them were quite alike. Once he spotted him, Sam tentatively raised a hand to greet him, Castiel smiled back and walked up to him. "Hey, Sam, what are you doing here?"

Shrugging, he let a smile tug on the corners of his lips and he hastily looked down on his shoes to avoid long and awkward stares. "I was bored and Dean suggested that I'd go out and get some air if I felt up to it. He even called to ask if I wanted a ride somewhere." Lifting his gaze up to his brother's boyfriend, Sam noted that the sunlight was making his hair look like melted chocolate. "Yourself? What are you doing here? School hasn't ended yet, has it?" He very well knew that school hadn't finished just yet, there was maybe an hour or two left, but he appreciated the company much more than anticipated.

It was Castiel's turn to smile at the other, waving his hand in the direction he was headed, now intending to bring Sam along. "No, today's afternoon is spent on finishing up with the assignments that most people have missed. I don't have any leftovers, so they let me go earlier." Had Sam still been at the school, he would've been free to go as well, that much he was sure of. "I'm headed to a café just a couple of blocks down; most people don't know of its existence, but they serve the best strawberry milkshakes." Taking the lead, he made sure to walk right next to his new friend - something Dean had told him that would make the younger of the two feel more included - he steered the way towards his final destination.

The walk wasn't filled with a ton of words; both of them enjoyed comfortable silences and neither of them wanted to break it just to be able to say something that wasn't all that important.

It wasn't until they arrived at the café and were to order that they exchanged more words. "I don't actually have any money on me, but I-" Castiel raised a hand to interrupt his speaking, not really wanting to hear what he had to say for the benefit of everything.

"Just tell me what you want, and if you don't like owing people things, your company is a good enough compensation." Seeing the surprised and in awe expression on his face, Castiel was pleased to be the one who put it there. Ordering one of the strawberry milkshakes and one of the caramel ones, he had seen Sam glance over the name a couple of times, he leads them to a secluded table where they had a perfectly clear view of the place.

"Thank you, Cas. I-" Interrupting himself, he broke out into a smile and tasted the drink in front of him. Judging by the look on his face, it was delicious. "It's really good. Thank you." After that, conversation that educated them both on the other easily flooded between them.

Sam learned that Castiel was incredibly artistic and had an easy time learning new things. He liked a mix of electronic and rock music, something he made sure to say that Dean was totally in on, and he often needed time to recharge after having spent a whole lot of time together with people. Usually, he'd read or draw or, hell, even play an instrument that was close by. Sam was, if truth was to be told, a bit envious of his life. He wanted to be able to say that he was studying and practicing for a test or an exam that would come up, but in reality, he was going to spend some time doodling or just surfing the web for whatever might catch his interest.

Castiel learned as much and vowed to try and talk to Dean if a solution to the problem could be found anywhere. He also learned that Sam loved languages, he was the one who knew all of the proper incantations fluently in Latin, and he knew all of the traps and sigils that were needed to be able to have a protected home. Castiel had him draw some of the most basic ones, just so that he could apply them at home, he insisted, and Sam willingly did as he was asked. But Castiel also learned, or at least he thought he did, some of the reasons as to why the younger Winchester was feeling the way he did. He had a terribly low self-esteem and casually degraded himself just as easily as if he was talking about the weather. It had him freezing for a moment before remembering that he had a mouth that worked, and proceeded with telling him all the reasons for how what he had said wasn't true.

They had been silent for a couple of moments after that - Castiel in deep thoughts about what was the proper way to nip it at the source, and Sam in just as deep contemplation about how someone could think so highly of him. After him cracking out a low "Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times if one only remembers to turn on the light," a nice quote from Albus Dumbledore himself, and it had the two of them talking about movies and their plots way longer than their drinks lasted.

Before parting for the night, Castiel pulled to a halt outside the motel the Winchester brothers, and occasionally their father was staying at and smiled warmly toward the friend he felt much closer to than he had before. "Give into the love, would you? Don't give up." With Sam nodding a hasty motion, and definitely /not/ making sure that the water wasn't spilling over before he raised his hand and walked inside.

\-------

" _So, I heard my incredibly handsome boyfriend just found my nerdy little brother and made sure he kept his sticky fingers out of trouble. I suppose I should thank you for that._ " By the sound of it, Dean was smiling and his voice was calm and peaceful - something that showed only when he knew his little brother was safe and sane.

"Don't mention it, Dean." Although he wouldn't be able to see it over the phone, Castiel was blushing at his words and reveled in the fact that he'd done something that was appreciated not only by the one who was with him but by his brother as well. "I saw him, so I just thought that bringing him along would be better than going to a café on my own. It sends the message that I'm forever alone and that makes the manager sad." Not that it was his only reason to bring Sam with him, but he was fairly certain that Dean knew what he meant and was able to read at least a little between the lines. "He's good company," He added for safe measures.

A chuckle was heard from the other side of the line, and that made Castiel smile just a little brighter. " _Well, anyway, I'm glad. I know Sammy appreciated it. Anywho, it's getting late and we're out of town tomorrow... We'll be back, though!"/ He added quickly since he knew all too well how some of the things he said could be interpreted. /"We'll be back at nightfall at the latest. Do tell Gabriel about it, in case Sam hasn't already. It wouldn't be all too good if he called in the middle of it all, ya know._ "

Not that Castiel actually /did/ know, but he refrained from saying so out loud. He knew not to ask too many questions either; it would either mean that lies were made or a particularly dodgy answer to the question. He didn't like involving him too much with the things they were doing, he claimed that the less the knew, the safer they'd be. He hadn't been able to retort in a way that would convince the stubborn Winchester otherwise, so he'd have to let it go and take what he got. "Yeah, okay. I'll do that. I'm still expecting to hear from you, though. And so does Gabriel, just, not from you. From Sam." Reprimanding himself for his awkwardness over the phone, he knew what he had said was quite obvious and clear to his partner.

Another chuckle made his thoughts go away and he refocused on the matter on his hands. " _'Course Cas, I'll let you know when we get there and by the time we're heading back. Now, I've gotta run, 'cause Sammy's glaring all irritably at me, which basically means that I should go before he decides to end me. See ya around._ " The fact that the conversation was ended before he got to say anything else didn't actually bother him that much; he wasn't very good at doing so himself, and so he often left it to everyone else to do it. However, before he got much further in his thoughts, a yawn was forced out through his lips and he complied to his body's need and went to bed with a smile.

**Author's Note:**

> All comments are welcome ;) Just a newbie writer with some kind of plans for this story. Hope you enjoyed!


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